Hillary Clinton Scolds CNN

Hillary Clinton’s campaign lashed out at CNN today over last night’s Republican You Tube debate, saying that it was “unprofessional, ill-advised, and totally ridiculous.” The controversy swirls around four questioners with declared affiliations to Democratic candidates, including two for John Edwards, one for Barack Obama, and an official in the Clinton campaign.

“I’m thoroughly disgusted with what I saw last night,” Hillary said in a letter sent out this morning. “I vow to absolutely destroy whatever CNN hack decided to let John Edwards have two questions and only let me have one. Bill Clinton will NOT be available for interviews or bachelorette parties for CNN or its affiliates until I have received a thorough explanation and apology for this slight.”

The Clinton campaign insisted that CNN had promised them greater control over planted questions and a 2:1 ratio over the other candidates. “Edwards can have his one question,” said a senior member of Team Hillary. “So can Barack. But Hillary’s gotta have two. If they think giving our stealth questioner a few minutes’ rebuttal time is going to make us all warm and fuzzy, they can think again.”

CNN apologized for the planted questions, saying that it was sloppiness instead of calculation that caused the error. Anderson Cooper said “We hope that our dark-hearted mistress realizes that this was the result of rampant incompetence, possibly forced through the vast right-wing conspiracy, and not by design. We would never dare to ignore so clear a directive from her. Honestly.”

Bill Clinton, speaking from a hotel in Iowa where he’d spent all night canvassing potential voters, said that “CNN has always been a Republican network. That’s why I never appear on the network, and haven’t for fifteen years.”