GMA News Roundup

Here’s a roundup of GMA-related developments:

Dinosaur Tracks Discovered in Utah
Scientists are suggesting that people stay inside and keep firearms handy at all times after discovering dinosaur tracks in the Utah desert. While some Internet commenters have suggested that since it’s only Mormons in Utah it’s no big deal if they get eaten, the Federal Government is concerned that the dinosaurs may migrate southwest and threaten the hooker-casino complex in Nevada.

Red Tide blamed for Calif bird deaths
A mysterious red tide, probably emitted from radioactive barnacles growing on Gamera’s shell, has killed several birds off the California coast. Nuclear submarines are being sent into the area to investigate and hopefully destroy the menace, but scientists warned that “most of California is probably done for.” Gamera is known to winter off the coast of California.

Venus has lightning
Scientists are alarmed at the recent discovery of lightning on the surface of Venus, meaning that the sinister King Gidhara is using it as a resting stop before launching an assault on Earth. More information on Gidhara’s untimely Christmas visit can be found here.

Gorillas prepare to fly to Cameroon
In another setback for Kong Pact proponents, five gorillas have stolen a South African airplane in hopes of flying it back to Cameroon, possibly to attempt a coup and set up a repressive government as documented in Planet of the Apes.

Jackson 5 reunion?
In one small bit of good news, the Jackson 5, who defended the US against several foreign GMA attacks in the late 1970’s with a unique blend of style, song, and five mechanical vehicles that could combine into a giant black panther, are planning a reunion tour to investigate several GMA sites around the US. Organizers are guardedly optimistic, though, because at least one member is known to have gone insane after the Menudo incident and is slowly transforming into a giant monster himself.