Friday, November 9, 2007


I would like to officially announce that, thanks to a presumed error in the TTLB ecosystem meters, I have evolved from "Multicellular Microorganism" to the evolutionarily advanced form of "Wiggly Worm." I can't tell you what a proud moment this is in the life of my blog. I haven't been this happy since my blog jumped up during the bug-plagued TTLB retuning last June that briefly had me at "Flappy Bird." It didn't last.

In my new, lofty post at 56,384th in the list of popular blogs, I will feel free to dispense wise-cracking wisdom to every other resident of the blogosphere. Of course, I always felt free to do that anyway, so that's not a big change.

Let's check out my neighbors, shall we? Wiggly Worm should be a better neighborhood than some of my previous residences.

At 56,383, and thus slightly more popular than I am, is Fassihi. Knowing this is just above me makes me want to pour gasoline over my head and light myself on fire. Go ahead, click on the link; I can wait. Did you notice that the damned thing is completely empty? How can a completely empty blog end up higher than me, when I'm rated as a genius by respected blog authorities all over the Internet? Can somebody explain this to me?

Just below me, at 56,385, we find Another Irani Online. They're, um, ideologically different than me. One contributor's in Afghanistan, the other in the US, and they feel that Americans are war-mongers and they're of the 'criminal Bush administration' bent. I wonder how many blogs emanate from Iran with a similarly hostile stance to the Iranian government? Not too awful many, I suppose.

Who am I gunning for now? Well, up at 51,540, almost the pinnacle of Wiggly Worms, we have The Blog of Henry David Thoreau. He's been dead for over a hundred years, and essentially this blog is just posting things from his journal. It's up to 1858, so it's only a few more years until he dies and, presumably, runs out of material. It's waaaay more popular than my blog is. Damn it all.

It's clear that I've moved up into a somehwat liberal region now. I guess I need to go really right-wing, since of the 10 Higher Beings currently on TTLB, 6 are conservatie or libertarian commentators, and 1 is liberal (three don't appear to be political).

So I hereby declare that George Bush is the greatest president since George Washington, and that Ronald Reagan should be beatified.

Now, I'll sit back and wait for the links to roll in...