Dems declare ‘War on Childhood Obesity’ a Quagmire

Senate Democrats today announced that the president’s much-ballyhooed ‘War on Childhood Obesity’ was a quagmire, and that America should immediately withdraw funding from the controversial initiative.

The press release, signed by ten prominent democrats, said that “It’s five years into this ill-advised, disastrous conflict, and fat children are everywhere. We need to admit defeat and withdraw over the caloric horizon.”

Jane Fonda, who with Sean Penn has gone on a ‘Tour for Tubbies’ aimed at entertaining overweight youth, said that “I believe that everybody needs entertainment, even if they are labeled by some as ‘the enemy.’ Although there were initial concerns that my mummy-like appearance and unique body funk would horrify these youngsters, I’ve found that they appreciate somebody is willing to try to entertain them.”

Presidential candidate John Edwards, a vocal critic of the war, said that he felt most Democrats did not go far enough in denouncing it. “Bush lied, kids ate fries!” He chanted at a demonstration on Capitol Hill. “Ronald McDonald didn’t have any weapons of mass calorification, and President Bush knew it. It’s time to end this illegal, unpatriotic, disastrous war on our own people. No more blood for fry oil!”