Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Clinton to Spitzer: 'Nice Job, Numb-Nuts'

Hillary Clinton sent a pointed message to the Democratic governor of NY Eliot Spitzer today, thanking him for "helping make my inevitable march to a third presidency so much harder."

Speaking to the press outside of a Stuckey's restaurant in New Hampshire, she said that his proposal to give driver's licenses to illegal immigrants, and her subsequent endorsement of it, has critically injured her campaign.

"I'm running against an empty suit with no experience, an ambulance-chasing trial lawyer, and a bunch of guys nobody's ever heard of. The nomination was mine, dammit! And after eight years of sustained incompetence by President Bush and the Republicans' single-minded desire to aleinate their base and most of the country, the most pressing thing to do during the election would have been to write my inaguration speech.

"But was that enough for Eliot 'Numb-Nuts' Spitzer? Of course not; he has to go and press for driver's licenses to illegal immigrants, thus making it easier for them to get this form of identification than it is for citizens. Is there anyone in America who supports this initiative, beyond some liberal internet trolls? I doubt it."

Clinton was especially irritated that Spitzer had led the charge, instead of asking another Democratic governor to support the idea, such as Chris Gregoire or Arnold Schwarzenegger. "He's the governor of my supposed home state," Clinton complained. "Doesn't he have any sense?"

She added that the harshest criticism came from some internet pundits. "I'm getting compared to Michael Dukakis, for heaven's sakes! The spectre of death now hangs over me like a shroud!"