I found, via Ace of Spades, a gaggle of juvenile idiots writing a so-called “comedy” site called 236.com, (apparently) sponsored by my sometimes-target Huffington Post. It’s depressing because I’m certain that they get more hits than I do, yet eke by on a fraction of the talent. And I consider myself somewhat low-talent.
[Now, understand that my criticism is probably somewhat self-serving, since they’re a competitor to me. I might be aiming center-right, and them center-left, but we’re both attempting to be funny. At least I am. I'm not so sure about them. Ace calls them painfully amateurish, but I think that's giving them some.]
You would think, having lots of contributors and just 1 of me, you would be able to easily find lots more funny over at their site than at mine.
20-1? I’ll take those odds.
Here’s just a sample of the hilarity that awaits you over at 236.com, if you’re brave enough to click on the link:
The cool of William Tracy (here channeling his inner Ric Ocasik), who proposes a slogan for Romney of “His Pecs Are Like God Damn Dinner Plates.” Bonus points if you can figure out why that’s funny. I didn't read the other slogans he proposes because, quite frankly, I wear my sunglasses at night and I was blinded by science.
The wit of Greg Fitzsimmons’ top-10 list as if written by “a vanload of illegal immigrants picked up from Home Depot.” #1 on the list: “Instead of giving you the tacos, she gives you the crabs.” It takes more than genital crabs to make a joke list, son. You’ve got to stop projecting. Sprinkle some powder on your balls and focus on being funny for a while.
Unbelievable hilarity from the Strike Joke Book, by Ian Gurvitz: “Jesus is on the cross, looks down at one of his disciples and says ‘I'm very high up.’” Okay, leaving out whether or not that’s offensive (it is), it also makes little sense. Wouldn’t it be much funnier if Jesus said “Dude, I’m so high!”
The wit and wisdom of Paul Reiser (rightfully absent from Television for 8 years and counting): he wants to settle elections by simulated cockfight. No, it doesn’t get funnier from there, and he means simulated chickens, not porn-style (which would actually be funnier). It’s true what they said: without Helen Hunt he’s pretty much worthless.
This guy, who chose his photo off of a convenience store holdup tape, is proposing vaguely humorous planted questions for Hillary. He looks kind of like Gilbert Gottfried. Why do people do this? Can he not tell that the picture is a blurred piece of garbage? Is he perhaps blurred in reality? Is he hiding his identity to protect himself for some reason?
Easy lay and resident harlot Georgia van Cuylenberg, with this stunning insight during the piece George W. and his gas prices!: “Before the war if a guy took me out to a nice restaurant I kind of felt like I owed him something. Now all a guy's got to do is pick me up and I at least owe him a hand job!” I want to know: how is it that George W. sets the gas prices, again? And if she gets a female cabbie, does she go carpet munching as a tip?
(See, that was bawdy and funny. Take notes, kiddies!)
Aaron Bleyart, with this piercing insight for Prince Harry: “YOUR BROTHER IS BETTER LOOKING. Do something about it. Go Harvey Dent on his ass and kick him off all those "hottest bachelor" lists with a Dixie cup of acid right in the puss!” I’m not sure, but the key to humor is probably not obscure Batman references combined with overuse of vernacular combined with sibling disfigurement. I could be wrong, though. Plus, the analogy's wrong: Harvey Dent didn't do that to his brother, he got a face-full of acid by a crime boss. Okay, I'll stop geeking out over him getting a muddled reference.
Monica Johnson, who claims to write “A Blogger’s Stream of Consciousness” that yields this me-so-clever witticism: “Wouldn’t it be great if celebrities stalked regular people?” And why do we park on driveways, and drive on parkways? And why don’t they make the whole plane out of the material they use for the black box? Oh, and why don’t you shut up, as long as we’re at it?
DISGRASIAN (the all-caps means it’s funnier) warns us that “The Chinese not only want to take over our country, eat our dogs, force us to speak ching-chong, and kill us, but they want TO DRUG AND THEN DATE-RAPE OUR CHILDREN.” I don’t really know where to begin with this other than offer this small advice: don’t try to write funny when you’re mad. You end up with crazy.
Last, and probably least, we have this guy, who is using his last mug shot as the publicity photo for his pathetically-written and unfunny “song” about the menace of Lou Dobbs. I guess his buddy at the top of the list was too busy to help him come up with something better. Of course, if he did pitch in, could we tell?
Here’s a final question for you: how many alleged humorists does it take to write something funny on 236.com?
Answer: 20 and counting!
[Now, understand that my criticism is probably somewhat self-serving, since they’re a competitor to me. I might be aiming center-right, and them center-left, but we’re both attempting to be funny. At least I am. I'm not so sure about them. Ace calls them painfully amateurish, but I think that's giving them some.]
You would think, having lots of contributors and just 1 of me, you would be able to easily find lots more funny over at their site than at mine.
20-1? I’ll take those odds.
Here’s just a sample of the hilarity that awaits you over at 236.com, if you’re brave enough to click on the link:
The cool of William Tracy (here channeling his inner Ric Ocasik), who proposes a slogan for Romney of “His Pecs Are Like God Damn Dinner Plates.” Bonus points if you can figure out why that’s funny. I didn't read the other slogans he proposes because, quite frankly, I wear my sunglasses at night and I was blinded by science. The wit of Greg Fitzsimmons’ top-10 list as if written by “a vanload of illegal immigrants picked up from Home Depot.” #1 on the list: “Instead of giving you the tacos, she gives you the crabs.” It takes more than genital crabs to make a joke list, son. You’ve got to stop projecting. Sprinkle some powder on your balls and focus on being funny for a while.
Unbelievable hilarity from the Strike Joke Book, by Ian Gurvitz: “Jesus is on the cross, looks down at one of his disciples and says ‘I'm very high up.’” Okay, leaving out whether or not that’s offensive (it is), it also makes little sense. Wouldn’t it be much funnier if Jesus said “Dude, I’m so high!”
The wit and wisdom of Paul Reiser (rightfully absent from Television for 8 years and counting): he wants to settle elections by simulated cockfight. No, it doesn’t get funnier from there, and he means simulated chickens, not porn-style (which would actually be funnier). It’s true what they said: without Helen Hunt he’s pretty much worthless.
This guy, who chose his photo off of a convenience store holdup tape, is proposing vaguely humorous planted questions for Hillary. He looks kind of like Gilbert Gottfried. Why do people do this? Can he not tell that the picture is a blurred piece of garbage? Is he perhaps blurred in reality? Is he hiding his identity to protect himself for some reason?Easy lay and resident harlot Georgia van Cuylenberg, with this stunning insight during the piece George W. and his gas prices!: “Before the war if a guy took me out to a nice restaurant I kind of felt like I owed him something. Now all a guy's got to do is pick me up and I at least owe him a hand job!” I want to know: how is it that George W. sets the gas prices, again? And if she gets a female cabbie, does she go carpet munching as a tip?
(See, that was bawdy and funny. Take notes, kiddies!)
Aaron Bleyart, with this piercing insight for Prince Harry: “YOUR BROTHER IS BETTER LOOKING. Do something about it. Go Harvey Dent on his ass and kick him off all those "hottest bachelor" lists with a Dixie cup of acid right in the puss!” I’m not sure, but the key to humor is probably not obscure Batman references combined with overuse of vernacular combined with sibling disfigurement. I could be wrong, though. Plus, the analogy's wrong: Harvey Dent didn't do that to his brother, he got a face-full of acid by a crime boss. Okay, I'll stop geeking out over him getting a muddled reference.
Monica Johnson, who claims to write “A Blogger’s Stream of Consciousness” that yields this me-so-clever witticism: “Wouldn’t it be great if celebrities stalked regular people?” And why do we park on driveways, and drive on parkways? And why don’t they make the whole plane out of the material they use for the black box? Oh, and why don’t you shut up, as long as we’re at it?
DISGRASIAN (the all-caps means it’s funnier) warns us that “The Chinese not only want to take over our country, eat our dogs, force us to speak ching-chong, and kill us, but they want TO DRUG AND THEN DATE-RAPE OUR CHILDREN.” I don’t really know where to begin with this other than offer this small advice: don’t try to write funny when you’re mad. You end up with crazy.
Last, and probably least, we have this guy, who is using his last mug shot as the publicity photo for his pathetically-written and unfunny “song” about the menace of Lou Dobbs. I guess his buddy at the top of the list was too busy to help him come up with something better. Of course, if he did pitch in, could we tell?Here’s a final question for you: how many alleged humorists does it take to write something funny on 236.com?
Answer: 20 and counting!
