Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Uncle Remus’ Tomb Found!

Although most of the recent discussion of the discovery the cave in Italy where a wolf nursed the eponymous founder of Rome has centered around Romulus and his achievements, some archaeologists are beginning to discuss the implications of the find on American culture as well. Not only does the cave, called the Lupercale, contain important historical and religious significance, but it also contains the final resting place of Romulus’ brother, Remus.

American scholars have already contacted their Italian counterparts demanding access to the site, which can provide important clues into the life of the enigmatic storyteller famous in early American folklore as “Uncle Remus.”

“It’s a major find,” said Scooter Weatherby of the Columbia School of Archaeology, in Florida. “Uncle Remus’ stories of Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox are well known and loved throughout the world, but we know very little about this enigmatic man who led such a colorful life until he had was brutally slain by his bloodthirsty brother in a spat over who jumped over what walls.”

The Italians, gesticulating wildly, said the Americans would not be allowed access to the site. “It’s in Italy, so it’s Italian. They can go find their own ancient, beloved civilization to plunder for tourist sites if they want. Oh, that’s right: they don’t have one!”

High-level diplomatic talks were expected to convene this week, with Secretary of State Condi Rice expected to work with her Italian colleagues to smooth ruffled feathers and find a way for the two teams to coordinate their work.

“Nobody expects archaeologists not to jump to conclusions and be needlessly fragile, like Ross on Friends or the dorks who recently declared that an ancient society deforested themselves to death,” said a State Department source. “But we do expect them not to be buttheads and create an international incident.”