Another Dollop of One-Liners

I know that you're now going through monologue withdrawal, so I have decided to give you another dose of one-liners to end your Thanskgiving week right. Of course, since I don't even have ten hits yet, nobody will read this until (at best) Monday.

Here they are:

"Barry Bonds' old friends are now coming forward to testify against him in court. But experts say that the most damaging evidence will actually come from the San Francisco Giants' official tailor, who was charged with letting out his caps and taking in his cup."

"Really heartwarming story out of LA yesterday, where Harrison Ford and some other famous actors came out to serve Thanksgiving dinner to residents on Skid Row. The striking writers said they really appreciated the stars showing solidarity and spotting them a meal like that."

"Paris Hilton is in Shanghai now for the MTV Style Gala there. Because when you think about style, you can't help but think of children working in Chinese sweatshops putting lead glitter on buttons, can you?"

"Track star Marion Jones has to return all the prize money she won in International Track and Field competition over the past 7 years. She tried to this week, but there was a problem at the International Track Headquarters: they didn't have change for a twenty."

"Well, the striking French rail workers have returned to work after the public became angry at them and refused to support their efforts to protect their pay and benefits. How bad must those guys be that they annoy the other French people?"

"Have you heard about this sinking ship in Antarctica? Fortunately, nobody was hurt, but they're afraid now that they're going to lose the boat. It was an eco-friendy excursion. You know, because nothing is more eco-friendly than sinking a boat off shore of an uninhabited continet. It's like a metal coral reef or something."