Thanksgiving Play Shocks Parents

Parents at Churchill Elementary School in Seattle received a shock at the annual school Thanksgiving play, this year titled “The Nightmare of Thanksgiving.” The play, which was described as “Thanksgiving as it should have been,” shows the Pilgrims being massacred by the Indians, who then set up solar-powered casinos to serve a wave of “environmentally sensitive indigenous tourists” from Mexico and Alaska.

Some parents expressed outrage at the play, which they considered too violent for fourth graders, but Principal Sean Cruise scoffed at their concerns. “Children need to understand that the real violence was done to the native peoples, who were sold smallpox-infected blankets and hunted for blood sport. What we showed here was justice, and not 1/10 as bad as the real story.”

R.J. “Bubba” Rogers was typical of the unenlightened response to the play. “They showed my daughter getting scalped by Indians, who used it instead of felt for their blackjack table. I was horrified.”

The play’s writer and director, kindergarten teacher Lola Moonbeam, said that response was stereotypical of the “racist Neanderthals that make up most of the oppressor white males of this country.” She said the purpose of the play was to “illustrate how greater understanding could have prevented a lot of bloodshed and to begin to heal the big, scabby, open would that is native-invader relations.”

Performers in the play were required to sign a “Bill of Reparations,” which called for surrendering 50% of all economic activity from the greater Seattle area to the local Native American associations. The bill was sent to the Seattle City Council, which promised to read it thoroughly before throwing it in the trash.

(h/t Ace)