Friday, May 25, 2007

NCAA vs Saban: Can they both lose?

In the case of NCAA versus Nick Saban, let me lay out the two sides and their arguments for you:

On the one hand we have the NCAA, a monopoly controlled by college presidents seeking to redefine “hypocritical” that treats athletes as chattel slaves whose sole purpose in life is to line the universities’ coffers. To this end all other competitors, from education to professional sports, are to be humiliated and destroyed to protect their state-sponsored business.

On the other hand we have Nick Saban, a lying weasel who brazenly betrayed his previous employers, and who is also a filthy coward that retreated from the height of his profession in order to return to the corrupt world of college athletics so he could live like a petty baron instead of proving his skill against his elite peers on an even playing field.

The dispute: Nick Saban said 100 words more than the NCAA-regulated “Hi hope you are well don’t respond to me” that is allowed between April 15 and May 31, the period that the NCAA sets aside for college coaches to view high school recruits. The NCAA apparently has a “lookee no touchee” policy, kind of like a strip club.

I’m not kidding: the policy says you can “exchange a greeting” but no more. So you presumably can’t even say “how you doing?” since then the recruit would respond, and then the coach might respond to the response, and then the scholarly pursuits of these latter-day Olympians would be disrupted.

Apparently Saban spoke to high-schooler Etienne Sabino for “a few minutes,” most likely offering cars, hookers, and a cushy booster-sponsored job if Sabino would sign with the Crimson Tide (a typical recruitment package for the SEC).

So the NCAA will investigate, Alabama will deny everything, Sabino will end up getting hired by some other university, maybe there’ll be a slap on the wrist, and everybody will be happy at the end of the day. Whoopee.

Is there any way both sides could lose?