Rosie, Sheehan to Helm New Show

Newly available talk show diva Rosie O'Donnell and former peace movement frontwoman Cindy Sheehan today announced that they will be working together on a new talk show this fall, debuting across from "The View" on rival network CBS. Called "Harpies", the press release promised that it will "focus on all the things that make America a bad place and a beacon of oppression and bloodshed throughout the world."

O'Donnell wrote in a blog entry that "I don't expect neo-fascists like Elisabeth Hasselbitch to understand complex issues, like the inside attack on the world trade center or how George Bush is manipulating world oil prices to increase Halliburton's profits. But Cindy and I will educate everyday, average Americans about these subjects and more without her annoying prattle interrupting us."

"Times are changing, and we're adapting our programming to reflect that," said a CBS network executive. "Recent surveys reveal that there are more and more unemployed lunatics watching TV in the middle of the afternoon, so we feel the need to cater to their desires."

Sheehan spoke to reporters outside her camp in Crawford, where she was busy putting up "For Sale Cheep" signs. "Rosie and I are the last two people willing to speak truth to power since Michael Moore went soft." She said. "I want the bloodthirsty public of this country to feel bad about themselves and realize that you can't spell oppression without U,S and A."

CBS hopes that "Harpies" can recapture some of the magic for the network, which has seen ratings plunge since bringing aboard "safer" female anchors like noted plagiarist Katie Couric.