NASA Jeopardizes Future of Human Race

Disturbing news from outer space: cosmonauts are protecting the space station from harmful debris and performing “biological experiments” in space radiation.

Why is this a problem, you wonder?

Tell me this: where will the next Fantastic Four come from if we protect astronauts? It’s important to expose them to as much radiation as possible and hope for the best. The world is desperately in need of a group like the F4 or the X-Men, or at least the Super Friends or the Justice League. What do we get? Oleg Kotov in an ill-fitting space suit.

When you’re serving soup to Kang the Conqueror, don’t come crying to me.

Secondly, have they never seen the documentary Green Slime? Any day now giant blobs will begin raining down on earth, the tentacled spawn of this monstrous experiment that they’ve left to bathe in gamma rays.

The fools have doomed us all.