World Bank: More than a Feeling

In addition to the well-known story of his interceding to give a girlfriend larger-than-typical pay raises, the World Bank revealed today that they have many other complaints against the soon-to-be former head Paul Wolfowitz. The ten gravest complaints that they revealed today were:

1. Once caught in a compromising situation with a pneumatic tube
2. Stole coin rolls for personal use
3. Drank from employee breakroom coffee, but never chipped in
4. Caught picking nose on CCTV
5. Used influence to waive ATM fees for friends and family
6. Lost all the bank’s money in Nigerian e-mail scam
7. Gave money to the Swiftboat Veterans
8. Called all female tellers “Jiggly Juggz”
9. Has no “protein-stained” garments to be paraded in news media
10. Gave outgoing chairman a golden shower instead of a golden parachute

“In light of this,” said one Bank trustee, “It’s clear that he can’t stay. It’s one thing to harass tellers and swipe a coin roll here and there. But picking your nose and not putting any money in the coffee fund? Unforgivable.”