Friday, May 4, 2007

Fistfight Mars Republican Debate

Inside the debate room the comments were kept restrained, if sometimes aggressive, by the candidates. But afterwards at the post-debate party, sponsored by RIAA and attended by all ten Republican candidates, a fistfight started as the candidates announced their campaign theme songs.

It started out simply enough, with John McCain announcing that he had selected Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” as his theme song, and further announcing that to expand on his comments from the debate he hoped to “bomb any country that the good people of the United States feel fit to turn me loose on, including Canada.”

Next, Mitt Romney selected John Travolta's "Let Her In," surprising few. Third was Rudy Giuliani, selecting Whitney Houston’s love ballad “I Will Always Love You.” He explained by noting “It’s not so much for the song, but for that movie, which right now kid of reminds me of my campaign: gliding silently through the icy waters, totally unstoppable, full of people with hopes and dreams for a better future.”

Duncan Hunter announced that his theme song was Jimi Hendrix’ rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner”, after which Sam Brownback selected the 1976 musak version of the Beatles song “Lucy in the Sky.” Somewhat perturbed that his song had been taken by Brownback, Jim Gilmore chose instead to select the song “Bittersweet Symphony”, which unfortunately cannot be played because of copyright reasons.

Mike Huckabee selected the “Emergency Broadcast Signal,” only slightly less annoying than his prattle during the debate. Tom Tancredo surprised the crowd by selecting Judas Priests’ “Mob Rules”, which he says exemplifies the kind of border control he envisions once he is president.

The fistfight broke out when Ron Paul became enraged that Tommy Thompson, who stepped in front of him at the podium, claimed the Spice Girls hit “Wannabe” as his campaign theme song. Paul, calling himself “the only true Wannabe candidate in the election” punched Thompson, and the two had to be separated.

McCain, who held Paul while the other candidates held back an enraged Thompson, told them to stop or he’d “kick their butts to the gates of hell.”