Monday, April 2, 2007

MLB Team Mottos for 2007

Here are some proposed MLB team mottos for this season, which started yesterday:

AL East
New York Yankees: Celebrating 100 years of media overexposure
Boston Red Sox: It’s not penis envy if you win
Baltimore Orioles: The ego of Stenbrenner meets the spending of Schottenheimer.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Every 1000th fan through the gate gets to start in the outfield. So far, no takers.
Toronto Blue Jays: We play baseball too, eh?

AL Central
Detroit Tigers: From Ty Cobb to Jim Leland, still the most politically incorrect team in Sports
Chicago White Sox: Those @#!ing Tigers think they’re incorrect? Just listen to Ozzie!
Kansas City Royals: Making incompetence pay through revenue sharing.
Minnesota Twins: Best part about being a small market tem: people describe you as ‘scrappy’ when they should say ‘mediocre.’
Cleveland Indians: Tigers, White Sox: meet Chief Wahoo. ‘Nuff said.

AL West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California: On the continent North America on the planet Earth in the Sol solar system in the galaxy Milky Way in the known universe
Oakland Athletics: There’s a FIRST half of the season?
Seattle Mariners: Maybe we should have kept A-Rod, Griffey, and Johnson.
Texas Rangers: Proud sponsors of New York Yankees baseball.

NL East
Atlanta Braves: It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Unfortunately, we can’t win those either.
Washington Nationals: Different country, same result. Kind of like communism.
Florida Marlins: The first step to overcoming bulimia is admitting you have a problem
Philadelphia Phillies: Threatening to be good for four consecutive years.
NY Mets: It is penis envy if you don’t win.

NL Central:
St. Louis Cardinals: We would have preferred the Stanley Cup, since it holds more beer.
Pittsburgh Pirates: His head was a normal size when he played here. Testicles, too.
Cincinnati Reds: Baseball is like roulette: always bet on red!
Houston Astros: Every aging pitcher that joins gets to select one roster spot for their son, absolutely free of charge!
Chicago Cubs: Why is it ‘angst’ in Boston and ‘whining’ in Chicago?
Milwaukee Brewers: Come for the sausage races, stay because it’s not like you’re going to get stuck in traffic in the parking lot or anything.

NL West
San Diego Padres: Great weather, beautiful girls. Who needs baseball?
Los Angeles Dodgers: He may be a fat, vile, foul-mouthed toad who is vastly overrated and harasses women, but…I’m sorry, what was the question again?
Arizona Diamondbacks: With Johnson back, we’re bound to finish better than last!
Colorado Rockies: Where pitchers go to die.
San Francisco Giants: We don’t care if he practices his swing clubbing baby seals and treats his body like a chemistry experiment. Did you see how far he can hit a baseball?

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