Laverne and Shirley: The Movie

Amazing Screen Studios today announced that it had purchased the rights to 60’s sitcom “Laverne and Shirley” and plans to make a feature-length motion picture about the two single girls struggling to make it in the big city. However, they plan to update the show’s themes to make it more modern.

Laverne, to be played by Lindsey Lohan, will be a struggling heroin addict who walks the streets in LA working as a prostitute when she runs into her old friend Shirley, played by Paris Hilton. Shirley has just found out that she is three months pregnant and is worried about losing her job as the publicist for a weekly Christian newspaper, the Burn in Hell Times. She takes Laverne in to help pay the rent, and the two embark on a scheme to keep the pregnancy from her ultra-conservative boss, played by Wayne Knight of ‘Seinfeld’ fame.

Also modernizing the story are the new Lenny and Squiggy, played by Ashton Kutcher and Damon Wayans. The two will be portrayed as homosexual DJs that work the club scene at night and are small-time hustlers during the day. Rounding out the cast is Antonio Banderas as Shirley’s Cuban-born love interest Carmine, who may or may not be the father of her baby.

In a bid for a rare third career resuscitation, John Travolta will play the love interest for Laverne, a powerful Hollywood mogul named Ron Hubbard, called Mr. L, who is trying to help Laverne clean up her act so she can star in his R-Rated remake of ‘The Neverending Story’.

The screenplay is written by Joe Eszterhas, with Quentin Tarantino expected to direct.