Monday, April 16, 2007

Wolfowitz Enhances Image with Project 42D

World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz, rocked by a growing corruption scandal, today announced an ambitious initiative to restore confidence in his beleaguered administration. Wolfowitz has been criticized by world leaders for his handling of the raise and promotion of the President’s girlfriend. The ambitious plan, called Project 42D, has as its goal to transform the world’s marketplace to provide greater employment abilities to women in impoverished countries.

“Project 42D aims to put a Hooters restaurant in every single town, village, and hamlet in the so-called third world.” Wolfowitz told journalists Monday. “Hooters is a pre-eminent employer of women and a great motivator for social peace and justice. Do you think the Janjaweed militia would be running amok if they could park themselves in a Hooters, have some wings, and catch a soccer match on the 42-inch plasma TV? I doubt it!”

Wolfowitz expanded on the benefits of Hooters compared to traditional development projects. “A loan is just money, and it can go into corrupt hands or get diverted. A restaurant is a business, with cooks and owners and waitresses. Let’s not forget the waitresses! Places like Sudan, North Korea, or Des Moines would be totally different if they had Hooters there. They’d be friendlier and more open to tourists, a place you wouldn’t be afraid to visit with your family. I know I go to Hooters at least twice a week, and I guess that most other people do, too.”

Asked about possible concerns over the restaurant, Project 42D Head and former US President Bill Clinton said he had already had high-level meetings to address his primary concern. “I’ve said it before: the biggest problem with Hooters is that they don’t serve breakfast. It’s an area they’ve just got to change if they want to be a responsible corporate citizen. I’m eating three meals a day there. Why can’t I get the fourth one there, too?”