Economists Warn on Lack of Recession

The group Freelance Economists for an American Recession today warned that the lack of a recession could be a sign of insanity among institutional and private investors in the United States and urged the government to take drastic action designed to plunge the nation into recession.

“The markets are not adequately correcting themselves,” said spokesman Robert Kiyosaki, author of the upcoming book Rich Dad’s Recession. “The true purchasing power of the average family is plummeting, the government is miscalculating inflation, and the Fed is just sitting on its hands hoping nobody notices until they retire so they can blame it on the next guy.”

Pointing to the recent collapse of high-risk lender New Century as a sign of market weakness, they urged congress to take whatever action was necessary to wreck the economy. “I’ve been warning of this a long time,” Kiyosaki noted. “Since at least 2004 I’ve been predicting a market crash, either slow or fast or medium-paced. But it won’t come, because nobody will listen to me. So the government needs to get involved to destroy the economy. Everyone else is calculating incorrectly, not me.”

“Wealth in the hands of the people is one of the big problems,” noted another member, Charles Wheelan. “If we say the country should be in recession, it really needs to go into recession in order to maintain our credibility. If we say taxes should go up, they really need to go up. We can’t have people running around spending money and investing and lowering taxes when we say they should be buying gold and burying it in the basement and panicking.”

Asked what financial advice he would give people to weather the upcoming storm, Kiyosaki was succinct: “Buy real estate and other fixed assets. Take on massive amounts of debt to buy gold as a hedge against the plummeting value of the dollar. Get used to over 12% inflation like we’ve had the past few years, because it’s here to stay.”

Wheelan added his advice: “Panic like it’s 1929.”