Stoller said in a press release that “Response to the 'myDD' piece on the joy of paying taxes was so overwhelming that I knew the time had come for me to release my master taxation plan, which I call Schedule X. Next year, I hope the Democrats in congress will see the progressive wisdom of my proposal and adopt it, instead of continuing to let these lowlife Republicans and their nefarious puppet master Grover Nordquist allow big-business fat cats and the Chamber of Commerces to shift the tax burden to the poor, the old, and other disenfranchised voters.”
Stoller included a copy of his proposal for progressive taxation, Schedule X:
SCHEDULE X PROGRESSIVE TAX FORM
100 Taxpayer/Business Name/SSN _____
110 Partner’s Name/SSN _____
120 Basic Tax Rate (Individuals put 50%, Businesses 90%) _____
130 Do you want 5% of your taxes to go to the Democratic Party? __YES__
(CFR 1910.115 makes changing this line a federal offense)
INDIVIDUAL DEDUCTIONS/ADDITIONS
200 Dependent Addition (+10% per child) _____
210 Fur Child Deduction (-15% per fur child) _____
215 Have you ever declawed your fur child? (If yes, set line 640 to 110%, monster!)
220 Have you ever voted Republican? (+25% if yes) _____
225 If yes, why? (Please explain) _____
230 Union member deduction (-1% per union membership) _____
BUSINESS DEDUCTIONS/ADDITIONS
300 Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of any
Chamber of Commerce? (Shame on you, set line 640 to 100%)
310 Summer home location, filthy price-jacking swine _____
320 Last person swindled for this home (if known) _____
(This is the person who will receive your taxes)
330 Does your business have a union? (+80% if no) _____
340 Are you a nonprofit? (+25% if yes, +50% if no) _____
350 Explain why you exploit the working poor (use attachments) _____
360 Do you supply Wal-Mart? _____
(If yes, set line 640 to 150% and report to federal prison)
ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT ASSESSMENT
400 Express carbon footprint, in tons/year, as a percentage: _____
(Don’t forget CO2 from breathing)
410 Is volume of primary residence is greater than 50 m3? (if yes +25%) _____
420 If you have solar panels, smugness is payment enough _____
430 Hybrid car deduction (-1% per wheel) _____
440 Did you attend a global climate change rally this year? _____
(-25% if by Gulfstream, -5% if by other means)
450 How many copies of Al Gore media do you own? _____
(-1% for each copy)
MORAL COMPASS DEDUCTIONS/ADDITIONS
500 A child is starving in the streets, but you don’t care! +25%
510 Have you ever felt resentment at paying taxes? _____
(+15% if yes, +25% for lying)
520 How many protests did you attend in the last year? _____
(-10% per march, -25% for disrupting conservative speakers)
530 Does filling in this form make you feel more American? _____
540 Do you value this experiment called America? _____
(+10% if yes, +25% if no)
INCOME AND TAX CALCULATIONS
600 Income, salary, tips, inheritance, and change found _____
(Be honest if you love your country)
610 Last year’s rebate from swindling crooks (Line 320) _____
(And please accept our apologies for their rapaciousness)
620 Total Income (600+610) _____
630 Tax Rate (Sum lines 120-599) _____
640 Simplified Rate (If 630>100%, 95%) _____
650 Taxes Owed (620 * 630 or 640, whichever is larger) _____
660 Aren’t you glad you paid taxes now? _____
665 If no, why do you mind the extremely small price to call
yourself an American? _____
The US Treasurer thanks you for doing your patriotic duty and paying taxes, and reminds you that only childish people and vicious Republicans don’t like taxes
The US Treasury Department: We Use Your Money Better
