India Rocked by Protests

Protests continued unabated today across India, despite half-hearted second-hand apologies from Richard Gere for kissing Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS awareness event on Monday.

“His behavior was totally unacceptable, and he must pay the fullest penalty that Indian law has to offer,” said an unnamed leader of the protest. “Everyone knows that truck drivers chasing prostitutes is as Indian as curry and bathing in the Ganges. But kissing a woman on the cheeks is unacceptable. They both should be ashamed of themselves.”

“I’d rather see AIDS spread across the country, if this is the kind of behavior we’ll be exposed to.” Said one of the men, who identified himself only as Backwhardi. “If you can’t expect people to behave properly at a pro-condom rally for whore-chasing truckers, then where can you expect them to behave?”

Conservative author Ann Coulter was en route to the troubled sub-Asian democracy on Tuesday, hoping to user her clout there to help end the protests. Coulter is admired in India because of her conservative moral stance and penchant for wearing streetwalker skirts.
She spoke with reporters via satellite phone. “The Hollywood left prides themselves on their enlightenment, but then one of their so-called golden boys goes and does something stupid like this. He might as well have called them all ragheads as long as he was at it. I mean, honestly: kissing an actress on the cheek at an anti-AIDS rally? Where does he think he is, San Francisco on Gay Pride day?”