Friday, April 13, 2007

TN Placement Firm Offers Seminar

Famed Tennessee placement firm KL Jirk Associates, hoping to capitalize on recent publicity about similar business practices, is offering a one-day seminar titled “Recruitment in the 21st Century: Innovations in Scamming.”

An outline of the topics to be covered:

Housewives and Nagging: Making it work for your business
Why keep a relationship between the job seeker and the recruiter professional? Be sure to involve the seeker’s spouse or significant other, particularly if it’s a housewife who doesn’t work. Because those uneducated housewives can be your best friend, nagging at their husband to make sure to meet your outrageous fee demands and take the first rotten job you find for them. Plus, a special sidebar on “Blogging Housewives: Bad Juju.”

Percentages and Wiggle Room: Perspectives on Promises
Have you ever gotten caught ‘promising’ to do something for a client? How embarrassing! This will help you to be sure to couch your statements in bland percentages, like “I’m ninety percent sure that…” and other such meaningless pap.

Hysterical Pitches: Going Beyond “It’s Tough Out There!”
Everybody knows that when unemployment is at rock bottom and skilled workers are commanding premiums, the job market tilts in favor of workers. So as a recruitment professional, you need a top-notch gloom and doom speech to get them to open up their wallets and fork over some cash to you.

Public Records and Fee Setting: A Practical Guide
Worried about leaving prospective client’s money on the table? Worry no more! We’ll show you where and how to look when it comes time to write up the prospective job-seeker’s bill.

A Look at Synonyms
Some would say scam, rip-off, and execrable thug. With our mastery of words, we’d say new business practices, opportunity, and “placement counselor”.

Legal Threats and Harassment of the Helpless: A Shyster’s Perspective
With special guest speaker Loady Panka of Thug and Balless Law Offices
Sometimes when you’re caught, scapegoating and blame-shifting just don’t work. That’s when it’s important to call in the legal heavy artillery and start threatening people until they do what you want. Because if there’s anything America loves, it’s a shady company that threatens the little guy with lawyers when they’re caught.

Be sure to sign up today! The fee for this valuable seminar is only $2500, with an additional “Lab Charge” equivalent to your latest tax return or inheritance receipt, whichever is larger.

Presented By:
KL Jirk Associates are renowned throughout the industry for their innovative billing, customer harassment, doom-mongering, manipulation, and poor judgment. They hope to set the standard for poor recruiter behavior.

Thug And Balless Law Offices has no professional ethics or decency, and are proud of their long history of dealing with corrupt businesses that are an embarrassment to the community.