Congressional Duck Wins Bipartisan Approval

The city is still abuzz with talk of a medal-winning duck that has spent the last few weeks sitting on a makeshift nest in front of the treasury department. The duck arrived during the night, laid her eggs, and has since become a must-see destination for tourists and lawmakers alike. Several members of congress and visiting heads of state have visited the duck, which is described as being very congenial and not at all ‘gamey’ by tourists.

It was widely reported that the duck thwarted an assassination attempt against the sub-assistant to the vice-president of the Meat Advisory Council when it bit one attacker on the thumb and kicked the gun from the hand of another, but this report later turned out to be untrue, as medical reviews showed no duck bites on either assailant. Still, people have marveled at the duck’s courage and fortitude as it sat in the temperature-controlled, glass-covered opening adjacent to the Treasury building.

The so-called ‘congressional duck’ has already been awarded a Congressional Medal of Honor, and plans are in the works for a monument honoring this brave mallard. Rep. Mick Blabberbutt (D-Idaho) said “The courage and fortitude of this duck, sitting on a nest of eggs built on top of a steaming pile of compost, has really shown what Washington is all about.” Senator Ned Hamhock (R-Wyoming) said “Sometimes I lose my faith in humanity, but then I think about the bravery of that duck, and I remember why I spent six and a half million dollars to win the election last year.”

What’s next for this heroic migratory bird? Probably a long flight south. “When it gets cold again, she’ll probably leave.” Said one teary-eyed official. “And this city will lose a little part of itself.”