Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Al Gore Blames Republicans for Politicization of Climate Change

At a speech today in Germany US Environment Activist Al Gore decried the politicization of the debate on global climate change, saying that “Republicans have ignored and politicized this discussion for too long, because they don’t care about the environment and they want to drown everybody who lives on the coasts.”

Warming to his topic, he continued. “Republicans know that their voting base is inbred hicks in the hills, while sophisticated coastal urbanites see them for the reptilian monsters they are. So they are trying to increase CO2 emissions so that the ice caps melt and bring floods and hungry polar bears into every city on the coast.”

Gore noted that no reputable scientist disputes his contention that sea levels will rise twenty meters and bring a new apocalypse to the world. “There are a few disreputable scientists who might speak out against my models, but they’re crackpots.” Gore said. “I understand that Michael Crichton doesn’t believe me, but he’s immoral and vile and wants to destroy humans with a plague of dinosaurs, so he’s not to be trusted. Besides, he’s just an author with no education, while I’ve been a dedicated public servant for almost three decades. Who are you going to trust?”

“Every scientist now agrees completely with me, and it’s time to take politics out of the equation.” Gore said. “The best way to do that is to elect me president of the United States.”

Asked if he was announcing that he sought the US presidency, Gore was noncommittal. “I don’t want to get into a whole political discussion or distract from my true passion, the moral imperative that we save the world. But if enough people want to write my name in and draft me to run, I would consider it, but only for a party that was environmentally responsible and wanted to keep the world from slipping into an age of hothouse horror. So the Republicans are out, because everybody knows that they just want to emit more greenhouse gas and kill everybody and burn poor people as fuel.”

He also announced a new, non-political website that would help people understand the dangers of global climate change at: www.votegore4prez2008.org.

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