NYT: Republicans to Cut California Delegation

The New York Times reported today that the Republicans, led by nominee John McCain, will cut the California delegation to the GOP National Convention by half. According to insiders, the move is necessary to “punish California” for a variety of liberal stances on issues like abortion and gay marriage.

One party insider, who declined to be named because he didn’t want McCain to fly into one of his famous irrational rages, said that the debate was carried largely by McCain’s forceful personality and prolific use of swear words.

“He said, ‘tell California to go f*** themselves, because they never f***ing vote for the Republican anyway. If they don’t like it, they can go back to f***ing their a**es like they like down there, the f***ing f***ers.’ I was really shocked, because I hadn’t heard that kind of language since the last time I saw a David Mamet play.”

Political analysts said the move was intended to shore up the Republican base with a candidate that is largely seen as being out of control. One analyst said that “he’s hoping that the Limbaugh Republicans, that large segment of the party one step removed from the KKK, will respond favorably to this and come out in November to help him win the uneducated hamlets and hill towns of Arkansas and Mississippi.”

NYT editors called the move “unprecedented” and “a move to needlessly disenfranchise and agitate Californians. It shows, once again, why the cool reserve of Barack OBama is necessary to lead this great country forward. His magnanimous decision to allow Florida and Michigan half their delegations shows he has the right temperament to lead this country back to credibility.”