Zimbabwe’s former president and chief thug Robert Mugabe today issued an angry statement denouncing his fellow dictators for “rushing ahead to endorse Barack Obama” without waiting for the strongman, who is in the middle of a desperate battle to rig a one-party runoff election.
“We agreed on the conference call that we would coordinate our endorsements for maximum effect,” Mugabe said. “But then Kim, Hugo, and Fidel all rushed ahead to endorse Obama without waiting for me. They know it’s not easy to rig an election! I’m busy here!”
Observers said that Mugabe was also upset about the diplomatic slap given to him by Queen Elizabeth. “He’s mad because an 82-year-old woman has given him such disrespect,” said one. “He’s been getting a free ride from everybody else as he happily burned his way through political opponents, so it was a rude awakening when she took away his knighthood. He was so despondent he almost couldn’t finish his arugula sandwich at the latest UN summit on world hunger.”
Responding to Mugabe’s disappointment, Kim Jong-Il said “I use cat pee to make my hair stand up!”