Democrats To Run Two Candidates

Final negotiations for the Democratic primaries broke down today, as a group calling itself “Trees, Please” disrupted plans for the committee by decrying the “chlorophobic attitude of the Democratic party” and insisting that trees and other plants be given the right to vote as well in recognition of the “arboreal holocaust that humanity has delivered upon our green companions since the beginning of history.”

A delegate for “Trees, Please” was forced from the rules committee meeting shouting “They’re giving away the election!” and several supporters were seen crying outside. The meeting soon devolved into a melee as various special-interest groups demanded unequal representation at the convention, scheduled for Spring 2011.

Following the meeting, DNC chairman Howard Dean announced that both Obama and Clinton would run for president, saying “I am so very tired.”
It was unclear what this heralded for the November election, but Republican candidate John McCain was quoted as saying “I like a nice salad, too. I’m not all about the meat.”