Obama, Explained

There are a lot of people who don’t understand the appeal of Barack Obama. In order to help, I’m going to break Obama down into a handful of easy-to-remember generalizations so that you, too, can bask in his beneficent glow.

If you don’t get that thrill up your leg and go vote for Obama after reading these, then there’s something wrong with you. Specifically, that something is that you’re a racist.

All you need to know about Barack Obama is that he:

Voted “Present” in the Senate but was never present in Church.

Takes spiritual, economic, and foreign policy advice from lots of people, but doesn’t know any of them very well.

Responds to unimportant distractions by having them immediately severed from his campaign.

Consorts with anti-Zionists, but is pro-Israeli himself.

Wants to help the economy by cancelling NAFTA and making sure we don’t sign any new free trade agreements.

Wants to help American workers by ending Union oversight meant to keep out organized crime and doing away with secret balloting to determine whether or not a facility becomes organized.