Monday, June 30, 2008

DNC Issues "World’s Most Dangerous" List

As a continuing effort to bolster their credentials on National Security, the DNC today issued a list of "governmental and private organization, leaders, and opinion shapers that are making the world a more dangerous place by their continued attack on liberty and freedom everywhere."

Chairman Howard Dean said in a statement that "the Republican-driven image of Democrats being soft on security is a fable, and this list shows that we will look tyrants in the eye and tell them 'enough.' The American people know that the Democrats, and our potential nominee, will protect our way of life regardless of the cost."

The list includes:

Colonel Sanders
"He might try to fool you by dressing like Uncle Sam, but this unpatriotic grease-grubber wants to fatten us up for totalitarian slaughter. Only through dietary purity can we hope to achieve balance with our planet and our own health. Eating fried foods is not only unhealthy; it's unethical, unenvironmental, and unpatriotic."

John Bolton
"There hasn't been a mustache this threatening since the heyday of Yosemite Sam, shooting up the streets of Gold Gulch until a brave rabbit managed to stop him. Well, the DNC symbol might be a donkey, but we have the heart of a rabbit, and we'll stand up against this warmonger and see him tried in The Hague for the next thirty years to ensure that justice is done."

Fox News
"Mouth organ of the neo-conservative warmongering latter-day Nazis that seek to dissemble instead of dialogue. Anchors are little more than administration spokespeople on a wide variety of issues from repressing the urban poor to disbanding unions to starting new wars to distract from an economy that is swirling down a toilet of chaos and despair."

Oil Companies
"When CEOs are driven around in giant luxury automobiles and you have to share a tandem bicycle just to go to work, you know that the capitalist system has become unbalanced to the breaking point. So it's time to slap a windfall profit on these people, because 10% IRR is just way too much."

1 comment:

Conservative Belle said...

What about Major League Baseball? And shouldn't VP Dick Cheney just have a permanent place on the list? And don't forget those evil tobacco companies and the telecom companies who are getting immunity!