Saturday, August 11, 2007


Some time ago I posted about a disturbing piece of spam that I'd received. I thought that I'd not get another one to top it any time soon, but a new challenger got caught by my filter this week that I just have to share with you. I repeat it in its entirety to shock and disturb you:
HugeCumshot (increase SPERM)
Wondercum allows you to have Multiple0rgasms!
used by pornstars since 2001!
*Longer0rgasms - Squirt for longer
*Erections like steel - Also increased size
*Increaase Sexual desire - Enhanced libido
*More Staying Power - Last all night
*Multiple0rgasms - Cum 4 times in a row
*5x more sperm - Cover your lover in it
*Sweeter taste - It improves the flavor

Men agree:
WonderCum Doubles, Triples, Quadruples and MORE! ... not just volume ofEjaculate, but intensity and power ofOrgasms. "IT WILL ABSOLUTELY BLOW YOUR MIND"

After taking WonderCum for just 1 week my sperm volume has tripled" Max, 47, UK

"You guys are amazing with your delivery and customer service and your product actually DOES work. I have been married for the last 23 years and never in our marriage could we achieve the pleasure we can today. All because I amEjaculating the way I never have. My wife loves it and I love it more. Thanks for this great product." Jimmy, 59, US Order Now!

I took the links after this out as a public service. All misspellings and poor grammar are from the original.

I have two comments about their creepy testimonials:

First, how does Masturbator Max just know that his sperm volume has tripled? Is he standing over a beaker in a white lab coat, jerking for all he's worth, then checking the "before" and "after" results? If so, does he wear eye protection to protect his vision from super-spurting? With all this extra man-jam firing from his retrofitted artillery, I think that personal safety begins to become a concern, don't you?

Secondly, in response to sleazy Jimmy, I've been married for almost 15 years, and I can honestly say that this is one subject that has just never ever come up (ever) as a reason for marital contentment or discontentment. Your wife actually cares that the volume of your leavings is increased? What, does she go flying across the room when you shoot now or something?

Am I unusual in this regard? Is there some huge group of married men filling up bathtubs of jizz for their wives? Oh, sure, I understand the draw of "erections like steel" and "more staying power", but the name isn't "Steel-Hard All Night Penis Pill" but rather "WonderCum."

And one final thought: am I the only one whose first thought is that triple the volume = triple the mess?