Saturday, August 18, 2007

Obama hides behind wife, children

So according to Reuters, Michelle Obama is getting "fired up" campaigning for her husband's presidency. Can our international relations really take this? I would imagine that a "fired up" version of Obama rhetoric must look something like this:

1) Invade Canada! Those damned Canucks have had it too good for too long. 54'40" is just the first objective. The second? Five new states and one giant French-speaking penal colony.

2) Stop the wholesale slaughter of Afghanis: Everybody knows that our army is murdering and pillaging its way across Afghanistan, home of the gentlest people in the world, the famed Afghan rug sewers. They don't deserve genocide!

3) Free health care for illegal immigrants and the poor, confiscatory taxes for the rich. The rich being anybody making more than 40,000 per year. Or, in two-income houses, 50,000 per year.

4) NO MORE DEBATES! So long to the opportunities for seeing the real Barack Obama argue his points. From now on, you vote for him because he's not one of the other people.

5) Ask me about my children