I took a second look at Hashmarks, ESPN.com’s football blog. I reviewed it a long time ago and said some not-exactly-charitable things about it. I figured that now that it’s been running for a while, I’d check back and see how Mr. Mosley was getting along in the blogosphere.
Not well, it turns out. I didn’t think it was possible to become more obtusely vapid, but somehow he’s managed to do it. His bio says he’s an award-winning writer, but I have to wonder if it’s like one of those Nursery School awards that you get just for showing up. Did maybe his mom give him a trophy once?
Then an insight hit me: maybe it makes sense if you’re an idiot! So I put on my Terrell Owens Cowboys jersey, hung a Baylor poster on the wall, fired up some John Mellencamp, put a Chinese lead-painted toy in my mouth, and then reread Hashmarks to see if it would be more blogtastically fabulous.
Fortunately when I collapsed from inanity overload my wife was there to call 911 and paramedics were able to revive my by reading excerpts from “A Farewell to Arms.” But it was pretty close there for a while, and I think I heard a deep voice telling me to step into the light.
So all you kids out there, don’t try that at home. In fact, for safety’s sake just stay away from Hashmarks altogether.
[Disclosure: Yes, I continue to be bitter that he gets a million jillion hits for every hit I get, yet his blog stinks like an unburied raccoon. My blog stinks too, but at least I don’t do it on such a colossal platform.]