Monday, August 6, 2007

A Message from Local #21413

After reading the article “Loosely Formed Coalition of Left-Leaning Bloggers Debate Forming Labor Union”, it’s clear that a lot of people working on-line today aren’t aware that there’s already an organization dedicated to fighting for their online blogging rights: the Brotherhood Of Online Bloggers/Society of Affiliated Gamers (BOOB/SAG), which has been at the forefront of the online labor fight for over ten years.

What kind of benefits can you expect by organizing with BOOB/SAG? Just consider the following:

BOOB/SAG Advocates for “Unsolicited Participant Hit Redirection”: Every members’ contribution to the internet is equally valuable, and hits to websites shouldn't be Bogarted by a few hoggish blogmasters (we're thinking of you, DailyKos). In order to facilitate this, BOOB/SAG advocates for an advanced algorithm that redirects computers to proportion out hits to all member websites equivalently, rather than letting one site dominate the internet. It doesn’t matter if the searcher is looking for Klingon verb conjugation or the impacts of the Kelo decision on State water rights; if a member website on macramé underwear is lagging then it gets a few extra hits (and, of course, ad revenue) to bring it up to pace.

Health Care Coverage for Bloggers and their Spouses, Partners, Friends, Pets, or Associates: BOOB/SAG knows that blogging can take a terrible physical, mental, and spiritual toll. It’s not easy to voluntarily type on a computer while you’re supposed to be working. So we're fighting in congress to ensure that all companies that advertise on the web contribute to a fund that provides free health care to Bloggers. After all, you can wear a tin foil hat to protect your brain from being scrambled by satellite rays, but you can’t wear tin foil glasses to protect your eyes from monitor radiation that travels up your ocular nerve to give you brain damage, can you? That’s where BOOB/SAG comes in.

Seal of Approval on Websites to Denote Professionalism and Courtesy: Everyone knows that professionalism is in short supply on most weblogs, where right-leaning trolls bash at the simplest, purest ideas (like sex changes to allow heterosexual prisoners to enter into gay marriage in a Catholic church) instead of promoting debate and harmonious accord. If you’ve got the official BOOB/SAG bug on your site, though, web searchers (and advertisers) know that your website is a place they can count on, with a clean, professional look.

Speaking Truth to Power for the Disenfranchised: With more and more political campaigns chewing up and spitting out political bloggers for no reason (like the Marcotte affair), BOOB/SAG’s protection to keep “Blog Burners” from simply running through hired help is more necessary than ever. As a more current example, we’re bringing an action against the Ace of Spades for his recent stunt using unpaid, unqualified staff as weekend coverage instead of more qualified BOOB/SAG Members.

Unified Political Advocacy: Instead of having thousands of weblogs that run the gamut of political opinion, BOOB/SAG members can be sure that they’re represented at state and local governments by a unified voice that speaks with a clear, consistent message (as decided by BOOB/SAG governing council). That leaves members free to write about whatever they want!

Communication Content Advisory Council: Caught with a thorny dilemma and unsure what to write about it? BOOB/SAG issues a daily “content advisory” telling members what to write, and even supplying them with Mad-Lib type statements like this:

“The twin cities bridge disaster is a tragedy because (George Bush/Tim Pawlenty/The Minnesota Twins/Dick Cheney) siphoned important funding from it for their (illegal war/own pockets/better second baseman/girlfriend's boob job).”

The Message Coordinator will also check in on member sites to be sure that they are giving the appropriate message to keep BOOB/SAG’s united front intact.

Advertiser Coordination and Control: Confused about which advertiser is right for you, and what kind of payment schedule that they’ll be on? Worried that Google is keeping too much of the ad pie for themselves? As a BOOB/SAGger, you’ll benefit from our “Ad Coordination” to make sure that you have only top-quality, BOOB/SAG approved ads on your blog, and we’ll make sure that the money rolls in at a timely fashion!

At this point you're doubtless thinking “I’m sold, what does representation in this fabulous organization cost me?” Good news! BOOB/SAG dues are practically free, only 2.5% of the advertising revenue of your site.

And you can rest assured that, like almost all unions, only about 91% of the dues go to overhead, organization, salaries, graft, and political donations. Every other penny goes into our strike fund, which insures that in the unlikely event of a work stoppage, you still continue to get paid a token pittance of your former salaries.

So don't put this call off ONE MINUTE LONGER! Join BOOB/SAG today!