Top Notch Parenting, Vol. 3

In order to pick up the “Bad Father” hat trick, I forced my children to finish the series and watch Return of the Jedi. As you my recall, my success with Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back has been phenomenal: two movies, two breakdowns. So this weekend I expected the standard complement of crying, howling, and recriminations that I’d come to expect.

My daughter loved it. She told me that it was the best movie she’d ever seen, her new favorite, and that it validated the entire experience. I was once again a decent father. But she did tell me that she wasn’t so keen on seeing episodes 4 and 5 again (maybe, she said, when she was 20 it’d be okay), but that she’d watch 6 with me any day.

For my son it was also a big hit, although he did ask “where’s Luke’s light saber?” every three minutes (approximately 50 times in a 130 minute film). He was practically yelling at Luke to just start swinging in the climactic scene with the emperor. He doesn’t buy all that blah-blah about letting go of your anger and not being controlled by hate; the boy votes for instant decapitation, no questions asked.

So I’ve regained my status as SuperDad, particularly since I told them to steer clear of Episodes 1 to 3, unless one of them gets afflicted with insomnia or something. But parents who care don’t expose their children to Jar-Jar Binks.

However, just to play it safe, I’m going to stick to Backyardigans and Scooby Doo for a while now. I think that was enough crying and family schisms for one week.