Democratic Leaders Call Sadr “Quitter”

Congressional Democratic leaders today lashed out at radical cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, calling him a “quitter” and saying that he had betrayed everything the two groups had worked for over the past four years.

“I’m feeling totally betrayed this morning,” said top Senate democrat Harry Reid. “We’ve been providing political cover and claiming he was unstoppable for the past four years, and he has to go and quit without telling us.”

Democratic presidential candidates were quick to denounce the move and distance themselves from the newly-subdued cleric. Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton told a group of Union members that “I promised a week ago that I’d gin up a terrorist attack to help unify this country behind me, and I will go to work doing just that. There’s a Chechnyan separatist group that claims it can get off a dirty bomb attack inside the US that I’ve begun talks with, and I’m keeping a close eye on the continuing slide into chaos in Zimbabwe for signs that it can spawn a group to attack us as well. If elected, I guarantee terrorist attack after terrorist attack until I am made dictatress for life.”

The Edwards campaign issued a statement saying “Moqtada al-Sadr is just one of many implacable enemies that we cannot hope to stand against, and in my America we’ll bend over and surrender to every turbaned thug we can find.”

Democrats said they hoped that the country would not wait until the upcoming report from General Petraus to decide that the entire Iraq war lost. “This country is ready for an immediate retreat, regardless of the circumstances on the ground or progress on the war,” said John Murtha. “We can’t let the enormous progress of the past two weeks fool us into thinking we can win this thing. Hope must be abandoned at all cost!”