Thursday, April 24, 2008

Thus Spake Zarathustra, Again

My brother, who is being aggressively recruited by the Karl Rove Center for Nefarious and Evil Political studies, just sent me another political forecast for the Democratic race that I thought I’d share with you.

He had a few minutes to kill at the airport waiting for his plane to Waikiki, where he’s going to be a special guest judge for the Miss Hooters Bikini World Contest. He won the trip during a drawing at his local Hooters’ Merry Bikini-Mas promotional last year.

And I’m sitting here holding frozen produce on the open wounds on my ‘nads. I don’t care what my wife says, I’m starting to think he really is smarter than me.

He accurately predicted a ten-point win in Pennsylvania, and then says that the coming media narrative will now be “Can she be stopped?” What happens from there, he says, is not clear; if superdelegates want their future political fortunes ruined, they’ll vote Obama. If they want to be picketed by Al Sharpton, they’ll vote Clinton. If they have any sense, they’ll switch parties, or at least delist their phone numbers.

He has one premium prediction: if Obama wins the nomination, Clinton will do whatever she can to see that he loses, and loses big. She'll probably keep her hands clean, but expect all kinds of mischief to make him look bad. This is one reason why she is trying to destroy him now, party be damned, because she may lose the battle (2008) but win the war (2012).

After all, if Obama wins, she can't hope to be president until 2016.She'll be almost as old as John McCain by then! Plus she'll face stiff competition: not everybody picks a robotic tight-ass like Al Gore as their VP, you know.

So in 2012 Clinton will make the case to a desperate Democratic party that she is only answer to what has now been 12 long years of Republican neglect, thus setting the stage for the Clinton in 2012 campaign.

How can she malign him but keep her hands clean after the convention? Well, just think: Hillary can post on You Tube with aplomb and shred Obama, with an impenetrable veil of anonymity. We already know that McCain doesn't have a lot of cash for oppo research and commercials, so he'll need all the help he can get.

And never, ever forget that the Clintons attract scumbags like light bulbs attract big ugly insects during the summer. And the Clintonistas love nothing more than to deal death by a thousand cuts of rumor, innuendo, and backchannel gossip.

All this without considering that Jimmy Carter will be “campaigning” for Obama in an effort to make him more attractive to mainstream voters, who will quickly remember just what an incompetent ass Carter really was…

No comments: