North Korean leader Kim Jong Il issued a strongly-worded statement to Hamas today, warning them to "keep your hands off my bitch" and saying that he did not authorize former US President Jimmy Carter's visit to the West Bank.
"I am supreme Carter Pimp!" the bespectacled leader said in his weekly radio address. "You will not touch my ho without my say-so! You may think you are appeased by him, but only I can be a-pleased by him!"
A spokesman for the Nobel Laureate and overall moron said that he hoped to meet soon with other terrorists in a bid to "renew the spirit of Chamberlain around the globe."
Rumors of a seance to summon the dead spirit of Hitler so that Carter can grovel to him have not been confirmed.