Thursday, March 27, 2008

Dems Sponser New DREAM Act

A group calling itself DREAM, the Democrats to Reclaim Everything America Misses, has launched an online petition seeking to draft “the perfect lineup of politicians to reclaim America’s political honor, redress old grievances, and begin to heal this country’s fractured soul.” Launched Sunday, the petition already has two million signatures from all over the country.

The DREAM ticket not only specifies the President and Vice President roles, but also spells out the cabinet that “truly reflects America and its values.”

Thomas Gordon, creator of the DREAM Petition, wrote on his website that “Americans shouldn’t have to choose between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, they should be able to have both of these deep-thinking political heavyweights governing them. The DREAM cabinet is a way to have America ruled by a group of elite philosopher-kings who will lead us into a better tomorrow.”

The Democratic DREAM Team is:

Presidential Nominee: Al Gore
“We should have had Gore as president the past 8 years, except the Supreme Court stole the office from him in 2000. Can we, as a country, afford not to right this wrong? Al Gore is the Renaissance politician that only comes along once in a century: businessman, moviemaker, soldier, and environmental activist all rolled into one. It’s long past time to recognize his greatness with the highest office in the land.”

Vice Presidential Nominee: John Kerry
“In a year where cynical Republicans run John McCain, whose only qualification to be president is having been a POW, we can easily nullify whatever perceived advantage that gives them by bringing out our own war hero, John Kerry. And Kerry’s legendary energy on the stump will only highlight his and Gore’s difference from the plodding, aged GOP ticket of statism.”

Secretary of State: Barack Obama
“It is imperative that the United States nominate an independently-minded minority in this critical post, who acts as our spokesman to the world. It is well past time to restore international respect for the US, and Obama is the only one who can do it. It will be the highest office ever held by a man of his unique background, and a necessary grooming step before his eventual election to the presidency in 2012 or 2016.”

Secretary of the Treasury: Hillary Clinton
“This critical role manages the day-to-day, nuts-and-bolts financing and governing of the United States. This has always been Clinton’s passion, even during her days as First Lady when she convened the panel to reform health care. Clinton is a clear-eyed pragmatist who will graciously accept this role as one where she can do the most good, and her indefatigable support for the top ticket will prove crucial to the margin of victory in November.”

Attorney General: John Edwards
“The finest practicing attorney in politics today is the only one who can reform the deep wounds in America’s legal system.”

Secretary of the Interior: Ralph Nader
“In other countries, the Green Party is recognized as the expert on all matters touching environmental law and policy. Shouldn’t it be that way in our own as well? Nader’s long track record as a defender of public safety makes him the only one able to move this part of our government from serving business to protecting our natural heritage for generations to come.”

Secretary of Defense: Cindy Sheehan
“It’s time to end the disgraceful parade of defense secretaries with nothing to lose. In addition to being a historic first, Ms. Sheehan would bring the unique perspective of a grieving parent to this critical role, which too often focuses on dollars and cents at the expense of the blood of our children. An outspoken critic of the Iraq war, she would quickly gain the acceptance and trust of our armed forces and the international community as she moved to end the greatest debacle since Vietnam.”

National Security Advisor: Jim McDermott
“From his earliest days working in Iraq to verify whether or not we were at risk, McDermott has shown that the security of America is his top concern. This is his reward.”

Secretary of Immigration (new position): John McCain
“It’s impossible to be wrong about everything, and McCain is definitely right on immigration. That’s why as head of Immigration, McCain can once again take up the gauntlet of getting real immigration reform passed and healing the wounds of the Hispanic community left over from the 2006 fight. Remember that the DREAM team is about healing America, not about party politics as usual.”

Head of the Department of Homeland Security: John D. Rockefeller
“With his extensive contacts among world leaders, particularly those in the Middle East, Rockefeller can immediately reach those who would do America harm.”

Director of the Office of Management and Budget: Jack Murtha
“Who knows more about the flow of money in the US than Representative Murtha? During his time in Congress, Murtha has enabled more projects to bring value to his constituents than any other Democrat.”

Ambassador to the United Nations: Bill Clinton
“Having added to his considerable international appeal abroad with numerous humanitarian missions since leaving the office of the president, Clinton is the natural choice to be our face in this vital international decision-making body.”

White House Chief of Staff: Howard Dean
“Can we afford to leave a master politician and political agent like Howard Dean out of the cabinet? We cannot. Here his skills will be best utilized to help conduct Democratic efforts like a smooth symphony, just as he has skillfully guided the party through this primary crisis the past twelve months.”

Press Secretary: Markos Moulitsas
“Is there a man alive today who understands better how to effectively reach the next generation of progressive voters than Markos Moulitsas? With a proven track record to helping reach the disenfranchised and dispossessed, he will be a valuable ally in advancing the White House’s agenda.”


Steve Burri said...

These last two posts are related. Demi is way ahead of the curve. Turpentine and blood-sucking leaches... DREAM ON!

Just one complaint. Where's Jimmah Carter fit into our DREAM team? There's gotta be a place for HIM!

Decembrist said...

You have to find a place for Kucinich somewhere. Anyone who looks like that and can land this for a wife clearly needs to be in charge of something.

Plebian said...

Well, Decembrist, I guess he could be the Secretary of Schwing, but this isn't Bill Clinton's cabinet...