Friday, March 7, 2008

Former Obama Adviser Clarifies Remark

Former Obama advisor and professional gaffe-producer Samantha Power today expanded on her remarks to The Scotsman that Hillary Clinton “is a monster.”

“I want to be very clear about which monster I meant, because a lot of people have misconstrued my remarks,” said Power to a reporter for the Palm County Sun Beach Times. “I didn’t mean some kind of garden-variety monster, like the creature from the Black Lagoon, although I’ve heard that her lagoon smells pretty funky, if you know what I mean.

“And I didn’t mean she’s like the blob, although she is getting pretty fleshy around the neck, and Barack does kind of resemble Steve McQueen. Although Barack is better-looking, to be honest with you, and far more ruggedly masculine.

“I certainly didn’t want to imply, like some internet wags, that she’s like King Kong, although I’ve heard she does fall in love with various bathing beauties and that’s why Bill runs around on her with trailer-park trash. And she is hairy and has to pluck her chin hairs every afternoon to avoid a five o’clock shadow.

“What I meant is that she’s like Godzilla. Not that she’s six hundred feet tall and sprays radioactive death from her mouth, but rather that the sequel Clinton administration will be like the 1998 Godzilla sequel starring Matthew Broderick. All we all know how badly that sucked and how awful it was.

“While I’m at it, I want to clear up the widely-broadcast remark I made that John McCain is a crotchety old fart who smells funny and is out of touch with Americans. Most reports left out that I think he’s a cannibal as well and that we should pre-emptively nuke Israel just to clear up most foreign policy problems in the world today.”

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