Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Headlines You Won’t See

Shiny object distracts Chavez from War in Colombia
Still thinks Bush is the devil, leaves border because he has the munchies

Lindsay Lohan’s sister opts for longer life, sanity over fast-track career to cable porn
Lohan’s mother disappointed, seeks to have third child to exploit

Angry fossil rails against loss of potential footnote to history
Geraldine Ferraro alleges that ‘Real minority victory would diminish my status as historical curiosity’

NYT Apologizes for smearing John McCain
Says politically motivated hack job was uncalled for, promises restraint in the future

Profile: Democratic Kingmaker Howard Dean
How his steady hand seized upon fertile ground to seed the Democratic majority for years to come

Paris fashion show highlights clothes people want to wear
Out: goofy yard-wide collars; In: clothes that don’t look like aliens wear them

Photographer injured while snapping naked pix of Kathie Griffin
D-Lister desperate to prolong fifteen minutes; photog in coma; prognosis grim

Hillary Clinton Concedes
Says she’s putting Democratic Party first, personal ambition second

Hollywood rallies around David Mamet
Says his ideological conversion proves his brilliance

Democrats decide to look forward instead of back
Admit overall conditions in Middle East are improving, pledge to stop bitching about authorization to use military force

Hollywood child-kidnapping ring foiled
Madonna, Angelina Jolie arrested

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