Rising Stars

According to retired General Wesley Clark, Hillary Clinton's got the right stuff to be a good Commander in Chief. John McCain doesn't. Apparently a good CIC has slept with the president and traveled abroad.

Let's see who else might fit this somewhat strange framework for deciding fitness to serve as commander in chief of the world's most powerful military:

Paula Jones
Pros: Allegedly was propositioned by a soon-to-be president.
Cons: Got beat up by Tanya Harding. No, not one of Harding's thugs; Harding herself.
Warrior Score: Gomer Pyle.




Jane Fonda
Pros: Slept with the president of a television network, traveled new realms of consciousness as Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy.
Cons: Is a dipshit.
Warrior Score: Cobra Commander




Gennifer Flowers
Pros: Has slept with Bill Clinton.
Cons: Has kind of a porn star name.
Warrior Score: Xena, Warrior Princess









Stockard Channing
Pros: In addition to having spent several years playing the first lady on TV, she knows middle America well, having attended Ridell High. Has toured Africa while filming Safari 3000.
Cons: Is definitely a Republican, having played the role of Klara Hitler.
Warrior Score: She-Ra




Monica Lewinsky
Pros: Has drunk from the same font of military prowess that gives Hillary her credentials.
Cons: Spilled a good bit of that wisdom rather than fully, um, integrating it.
Warrior Score: Attilla the Hun





Marilyn Monroe
Pros: Slept with the pre-Obama Democratic rock star JFK, as well as his brother, is the standard by which all Hollywood starlets are measured.
Cons: None.
Warrior Score: Ghengis Khan with a side of Caesar salad!