Now that Eliot Spitzer’s former callgirl has lost a million bucks by flaunting her assets on a GGW video and losing the exclusive first look at her $4500-an-hour tatas, maybe it’s time to review other ways that this seemingly harmless X-rated fun could come back to haunt you young women out there:
Prejudices your audiences
Who do you suppose is watching you flash your boobs, gyrate on strangers, and shoot ping-pong balls out your hoo-ha? Well, in addition to thousands upon thousands of horny, drunken frat boys, remember that your audience likely includes your son, your brother, and maybe even grandpa. And believe me, none of them really want to see that.
Well, maybe grandpa does, but he’s a dirty old man.
Forget your day in court
Imagine the scene: your lawyer is moving in for the kill in your forty-kajillion-dollar civil suit against rap artist Horny K, who you say assaulted you with his crew. You have it on tape and eyewitness testimony. Suddenly, the defense lawyer fires up an old GGW video of you with a donkey and says "if you see her slit, you must acquit!" Verdict? You serve three to five in a women's prison and Horney K wins a Grammy.
And I don't think any of us want that.
It damages your negotiating skills
I don’t know what a top-notch offer for signing over the lifetime rights to video footage of you nakedly debasing yourself in a lesbian tryst is, but I’m willing to guess it’s somewhere north of “cheap white t-shirt and all the tequila shots you can chug.”
Do you really want to explain to your boss why his son always has a boner and begs to come in on "bring your kids to work day"?
Imposters are rife
Is that guy trying to get you into the wet T-shirt contest really going to make you famous and get you into Maxim, or is he just a pervert with a camcorder and a laserprinter looking to boost hits on his blog? And can you really tell in your inebriated stupor?
Come to think of it, I've been meaning to try out my new laserprinter...
Appearing in GGW eventually leads to murder
Like marijuana, GGW is a gateway. It leads to stealing, assault, and finally murder. Don’t believe me? Well, imagine that it’s your wedding day, and your husband is the scion to a wealthy political family’s fortune. Now also imagine that the best man threatens to fire up his copy of GGW on the bigscreen at the reception unless you give him a blowjob. You’re eventually going to have to eventually murder your husband's best friend to make him stop blackmailing you.
Are you ready to go through with that?
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