Hillary Clinton’s campaign surprised reporters today by announcing that they will not only support but fund a revote in the critical states of Michigan and Florida.
“We want to make sure that the voters in these critically important states are included in the process,” said a spokesperson. “We don’t want them saying things like ‘God damn America’ or some other insensitive, foolish thing that would construe that they hate their fellow countrymen and women. My campaign is all about hope and love, not hate.”
The spokesperson went on to say that “We want what’s best for the country, even if it costs me millions of dollars, because we’re am willing to put the party, the voters, and the election above my own well-being. Hillary Clinton is not somebody who would be willing to cast aside longtime friends, mentors, or even relatives in a crass bid to seek election.”
Clinton also said via a statement that “I know that this isn’t popular with everybody, and my consistent calls for revotes will be unpalatable to some. But I have always felt that it’s important to be like the biblical prophet Jeremiah: right.”