Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Environmental Terms Explained

As a continuing public service, I would like to now explain some common terms thrown around by the environmental movement. These should help you to understand some of the technical jargon that has come to dominate the global climate change movement.

Advocates: Also called Messengers; people who have received 4 hours of Powerpoint training

Anthropomorphic: Caused by the United States

Carbon Footprint: Calculation to determine the degree to which you are a bad person

Climate Change: Any trend in warming, cooling, drought, flooding, dandruff, etc. which can be attributed to the United States

Climate: See Weather

CO2: Dangerous gas that has increased since industrialization and tracks poorly with GMST

Coal: Evil rock that, when combined with man’s ancient nemesis fire, creates CO2; also called Brimstone in some sources

Data: Numbers which can be used to prove preconceived theories about the state of the planet

Economic Activity: Dangerous actions which increase Emissions by distracting Emitters from the guilt associated by their Carbon Footprint; these are often the main target of protests by Advocates

Emissions: Deadly gasses including, but not limited to, CO2, H2S, SOx, NOx, H2O, and FOX

Emitter: Any person or entity who does anything for any reason; Emitters are bad

Global Mean Surface Temperature (GMST): Average temperature of the surface of the Earth as calculated by a variety of measures; has risen consistently in response to rising CO2 levels in the atmosphere, except for those years when it hasn’t

Hurricanes: Destructive storms whose frequency and intensity are greater when GMST is either higher or lower than normal

Hydrogen Economy: Unproven and technologically infeasible solutions to all world energy problems

Industry: Organizations dedicated to increasing Emissions

Kyoto Treaty: International pact that would make the world a modern-day utopia; cancelled by President George W. Bush over the objections from the US congress, the electorate, the international community, and the AP

Modeling: Scaremongering via computers

Offsets: Way for Emitters to alleviate guilt over their Carbon Footprint by transferring money to Reducers

Outliers: Numbers which do not fit preconceived theories about the state of the planet

Reason: Emotionally-based decision making process

Reducers: People who take money from Emitters and spend it to increase their own Emissions by engaging in Economic Activity

Scientific Consensus: The opinion of scientists who want to continue to receive grants for their work

Sun: Large orange object in the sky that has no impact on Climate or Weather

Weather: See Climate