George Bush sent shockwaves through the political establishment today by announcing that he will be changing parties on July 4th, officially naming himself a member of the Democratic Party.
“It’s necessary to safeguard the two-party system,” explained a White House spokesperson. “The Democrats are in desperate need of a strong figure with high approval ratings, and the Republicans are poisoned by the presence of George Bush. The President was hoping Harry Reid could fill the Democratic gap, but now that his approval rating is lower than Paris Hilton’s that doesn’t appear to be the case.”
Bush said he’d been toying with the idea for some time. “Aside from the whole Iraq thing, I’m pretty much a Democrat, just like my dad was. Isn’t that what Compassionate Conservatism is all about, being a Democrat who starts wars?”
Political observers noted that such a thing was unheard of, but they did note that the Bush defection could help GOP candidates in the 2008 elections. “Without his shadow over them, candidates like John McCain or Rudy Giuliani should be able to get more positive news about them. Plus, now the Democrats have to answer for all of Bush’s errors, which are legion.”
“The only one who doesn’t get help is Mitt Romney,” said political observer and religious bigot Sally Denton. “With Bush’s more mainstream religious profile now on the Democratic side of the aisle, the weird Mormon cult that controls Mitt Romney’s mind will make him look worse, not better.”
At least one potential GOP candidate was not amused. Fred Thomspon complained to acquaintances that Bush was “stealing my thunder.” He had planned to announce his candidacy on the 4th, but now indicates that he will wait until a later date. “Maybe Thanksgiving,” said a source close to the undeclared candidate. “so that people can be thankful for finally having a good candidate.”