Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Vote Yes on 24!

I want to add my outrage at the recent shamnesty bill working its way through congress. How dare these so-called “servants of the people” push this piece of garbage legislation through, all in the name of shameless vote-grubbing?

That’s why I’m urging everyone to forward this post to their congressman or senator. Just as Willie Horton’s menacing visage paralyzed Michael Dukakis in the 1988 elections, so too will these images of “peace-loving aliens” destroy what few scraps of credibility President Shrubbery and his minions hold.
He lived in the US for years and never paid a dime in taxes, despite the fact that he made millions as a celebrity pitchman and sometime actor. And in the 80’s he took valuable jobs from American actors, robbing The Facts of Life girls of work just when they needed it most. Oh, sure, Tootie went on to Living Single and Jo has her sweet gig on Lifetime, but what about Natalie and Blair? Whatever happened to them?
You think violent immigrant gangs are bad now? This guy single-handedly pioneered a new generation of drug-fueled excess in Hollywood. Plus, he’s partially responsible for Whoopi Goldberg’s popularity via his collaboration in Comic Relief.
Kang and Kodos
How long will these two sit in cold storage in Roswell after they’re legal citizens of the US? Just like the terrorists pouring out of Gitmo thanks to the so-called “Supreme Court,” these two will sue for release and the right to begin their vicious conquest of all we hold dear.

You could argue that existing firearms laws should protect us from illegal aliens getting weapons and killing us, but this guy can kill you WITH HIS BARE HANDS! And I don’t even want to talk about his lax stance on child-rearing that has led to a generation of spoiled, self-indulgent wimps.

You want to talk about a gang of people that refuses to speak English that is corrupting our youth? The discussion begins with these ne’er do wells.
What guy hasn’t lost a girl to the exotic foreign exchange student, who used his thick accent and oily chest hair to cover up the fact that he’s a raving asshole? Worse is that he continued to prop up the myth that Karen Allen is a leading lady, despite the fact that she's extremely annoying.

I blame him for setting this whole amnesty thing in the first place. He gets away with mocking religion, subverting the second amendment, and selling crack to Drew Barrymore just because he’s cute. Long-necked little bastard.
Yes, I know she was a hot naked chick. She also ripped men’s heads off and ate them. Kind of like a naked version of NOW.
You know, the life cycle of Alien is a good metaphor for this whole argument: first they’re little eggs, then they gestate inside the country for a while, then they explode out and spew guts everywhere. You know what I’m saying.