Monday, June 18, 2007

Air Force Goes Gay

Based on discoveries by the Sunshine Project, further digging has revealed that, far from a simple $7.5 million grant to study the feasibility of the “Gay Bomb”, the Air Force was in fact planning to go “all gay” in an attempt to get the armed forces past the infamous “don’t ask/don’t tell” rule which has crippled recruitment of Arabic translators for the past several years.

Sources reveal that the Air Force has in fact completed construction of an advanced “Gaydar” capable of detecting sexual orientation in both men and women. Using this tool, recruits entering the armed forces would be funneled into the appropriate branch of service, with homosexuals being preferentially sent to the Air Force.

“Lesbians would of course go into flight training,” said an unnamed Air Force source. “In addition to women’s greater ability to take higher amounts of G-forces, their increased aggression is just what fighter pilots need. The gay men would be ground crews and flight instructors because of their greater experience with joysticks.”

Proponents of the plain claimed that this way the military could take full advantage of homosexuals interested in serving in the armed forces instead of foolishly turning them away. However, the plan was rejected by religious fascists in the Bush administration, who derided it as “Gayviation.”

“They just weren’t ready,” said the source. “Hopefully whoever wins in 2008 will be more open to adjusting our military to conform with 21st century society.”