Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Definition of a Bad Idea

So I received this spam at work today. I quote it directly:

You seem to be losing your penis when you are inside of her. With Penis Enlarge Patch it will be too big to be lost.

With Penis Enlarge Patch your penis will be bigger than Statue of Liberty.
There’s a lot contained in just those three short sentences. Lose your penis inside of her? What, has she got a bear trap down there or something?

Secondly, a patch? Really? Where do you stick it? On the affected organ? If so, how do they know what size to send you? Is it like the Nicorette patch, where you work your way up on the dosage?

Thirdly, a penis larger than the statue itself, or larger than the statue’s penis? Because the statue doesn’t have a penis. But I guess now I understand what they meant about losing your penis inside of her, because I’ve been on the tour, and it is pretty big inside her.

But what woman’s going to be willing to take you on if your penis is bigger than the Statue of Liberty? Where would you buy pants? How would you play football?

Fourthly, let’s assume that you buy the whole argument as presented. Are you really going to let someone with such a poor grasp of the English language pump you full of drugs designed to make your dick grow? Does that seem wise? What if they miswrote the directions and you ended up peeing out of your eyeballs?