Thursday, June 21, 2007

Knowing is half the battle

I see that Patrick Hruby is spouting some typical liberal claptrap today, writing:
long after the War on Terror is as relevant as the war on Cobra Command

How can he dare to say such a thing? The war on Cobra Command was a battle for the hearts and minds of a generation, whose impact will be felt and studied for years. Only the lowest of left-wing sock puppets would dare to diminish this historic struggle.

For those of you who spent the 80’s hiding in a cave, the war on Cobra Command was led by a brave man named General Clayton M. Abernathy, better known as Hawk, who served as the commander of the elite US fighting force GI Joe. Hawk, using little more than the mystery of Snake Eyes, the sex appeal of Scarlett, and the baldness of Gung Ho, managed to bring down one of the vilest regimes ever to scar the face of the Earth, Cobra.

Cobra Commander was an evil genius, with more brainpower than Lex Luthor and more schemes than Mumm-Ra. Hidden behind his UV-blocking faceplate was the true face of evil, with a rasping voice that could strike fear into the hearts of all but the bravest of Joes. You know he was a badass because he kept both Destro AND Zartan in line, as well as having the uber-hottie Baroness as his personal bitch.

But what galls me the most about Hruby’s asinine assertion is that GI Joe did beat Cobra, making the world safe for democracy, WITHOUT A SINGLE FATALITY ON EITHER SIDE! Yes, that’s right: it was in the war on Cobra Command that created the current American expectation of every enemy captured, no soldiers lost, and no civilian casualties. It is against this standard that every other war has been deemed a failure, regardless of the outcome. Only GI Joe could have done this against as implacable a foe as Cobra.

In all the long war, the only embarrassment to Hawk’s command was the infamous “Window Wiper” incident, but he even turned that setback into a victory by stopping several Cobra plots during the confusion.

So this Veteran’s day, don’t be a bitter liberal troll like Patrick Hruby, and be sure to set aside a moment to honor a real American hero: GI Joe.

Go, Joe!