Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wisconsinites Riot over Obama Insult

Thousands of Cheese-Rights Activists took to the streets in Milwaukee Wednesday to protest comments made in an interview by Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, who called their state “remote,” equated cheese with “junk”, and hinted he doesn’t eat it because if you do "you'll never survive."

The protestors burned Illinois flags and called for him to be censured. Obama, an Illinois senator, is currently the Democratic frontrunner in the presidential primary.

One of the masked ringleaders told reporters that “It is unconscionable that this man besmirches the honor of Wisconsin, Iowa, and cheese. We demand an immediate apology from him, the Democratic Party, and the entire state of Illinois. Unless our demands are met we will continue to riot until we run out of beer or cheese or, God help us all, both.”

The protests marked the latest in a string of high-profile embarrassments for the Obama campaign, from discovering that al-Qaeda is already in Iraq to finding out that no one can really tell the difference between butter and “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!”

“This is all just part of the right-wing noise machine,” said a member of the Obama campaign. “Senator Obama has nothing but respect for the remote cheese-eating denizens of the Midwest. In fact, with his commitment to protectionism and increased environmental awareness, all these fine people will have to eat in the future is locally-grown cheese.”

Hillary Clinton, having tried everything to catch up to Obama without success, attempted to outdo him in his disdain for Wisconsinites. A spokesperson said that “if those inbred, cow-loving, cheese-swilling hicks don’t like it, they can take their overstuffed colons and move to Canada.”

Police said that the protest remained peaceful because no one had insulted Brett Favre or the Packers, but they were nonetheless monitoring the situation from Madison.


Steve Burri said...

As usual, you hoity-toity MSM reporters got it mostly wrong again.

We are burning Illini flags 'cause we have always burned 'em, just like we all have bumper stickers on our pickups that demand, "Go Back To Illinois!"

We are not angry that Obama may have dissed the great cheese of America's Dairyland, but instead that he equated us with Iowa. It is like equating Illinois with Haiti. The Haitians would freak!

Locally-grown cheese? Ya gotta be sure you don't plant the cheese seeds too deep though.

Hillary, enjoy your forced retirement, but don't vacation here, except maybe as a clown at Baraboo's Circus World Museum.

No worries about dissing Brett Favre... He may be a Packer, but he's from Mississippi and Obama needs Mississippi.

Plebian said...

Dan Rather has verified the authenticity of this report, so I do not believe your criticism is valid.

Steve Burri said...

I stand corrected. My bad.

roseindigo said...

Just want you to know that I come by at least twice a week to read your funny and ironic writings, especially when I need a good laugh.

Keep up the great work!

Plebian said...

Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it. Always nice to hear that somebody other than Steve enjoys the blog!