Castro Retires

Like many retirees, Fidel Castor needs to be aware that in the coming months if he doesn’t find something to fill his free time he’ll face the grim prospect of premature death.

So in order to help him live a long, happy retirement, here are some ideas for hobbies he can take up to fill those happy, golden years:

Get Involved in Local Politics
For many retirees this represents a way for them to stay active in community affairs. For Castro it provides a chance to keep tabs on those jockeying to fill the power vacuum who may decide that the retired Commandante represents a liability that needs to be neutralized.

Plant a Garden
One of the most enjoyable things is watching flowers grow as a result of your own hard work. And since Castro has years of experience shoveling manure, it is a natural outgrowth of his previous activity. And the well-constructed garden has tunnels which reach far underground and can be used as a hideout in case of emergency.

Travel
A lot of retirees rent an RV or join tour groups to see the great cities and natural wonders of the world. Castro may want to combine a visit to his Swiss bank with a skiing trip in the Alps, for example. In fact, why not relocate to a more favorable locale altogether to avoid the inevitable revenge that comes from a disgruntled former associates grasping for more political power?

Visit Old Friends
While it is true that Castro has outlived many of his peers, he still has plenty of admiring friends in high places all over the world. Some of them are even out of jail, and there’s a long list of European politicians who would be pleased to host him in perpetuity. And if that doesn’t work, he is held in high esteem in Venezuela, which would make a charming retirement location until the country collapses into chaos.

Volunteer Work
This is a fun way to stay involved and help those less fortunate than yourself when your career is finished. Since everyone in Cuba is less fortunate than Castro, he could even do this while staying a luxury resort! It’s also a good way to monitor the disaffected for signs that a second rebellion may be on the way.

Spend Time with your Family
Many find time in their later years to reconnect with the younger generations and leave their mark on those who will follow. However, some of Castro’s relatives have unfortunately ended up fled or dead, which makes keeping up with them somewhat difficult. And brother Raul may not appreciate Fidel blurring the chain of command by meddling too much with the family, whose business is still running the dictatorship that is Cuba.